Papa God,

I have this craving to show people their God-given talents and teach them how to become leaders who glorify you with them. I have a new longing to serve others in all that I do with a sincere heart. I don’t even know who I was before. When I looked out at my life, the future, I saw it as if I was the only one who existed. Everything is different now.

I want to be creative, but there are so many other skills, no, processes, I now desire to pursue. I don’t want to do things, I want to do missions. I want to effect people, change their lives. I want to see them grow and become all they can be for your glory.

I see what could be, and the gaps in what should be, and so many ways to fix them. But I’ve learned the power to change is not within me but within you, and if I were to do it that would truly be your power at work in and through me. So is that what you’re calling me to?

I’m a little confused lately. I wanted to write fiction. I guess I thought that my life, Lord, I thought my life was going to be like everyone else’s.

Now I want to laugh and cry. It’s not going to be, is it? I was meant for more. And the thing is, I think we all were. But that’s the world that fell and that I get to have some of that world now is a gift. A part of the life to come. Maybe we’re all settling for far too less. What if we all became leaders? Artists? Geniuses? What if we all glorified you in what we did? What if even the least of these served with all their heart and skill? What if we were fearless?

God, I want to be a part of making the world look a little more like that. I want to help others see you for who you are and know themselves as you made them to be.

I don’t want to be shiny; I want to be shining for you. I don’t want to stand on a chair or sit at the top of a ladder or stir up applause from a stage. I do want to be excellent, and I want to live to the fullest through you, but I think the idea that might possibly include some chair standing and stage shouting, is scary.

What does that mean? I don’t want to be famous, I want to make you famous.

What if…

What if I excel in what I’m good at and it looks a lot like famous? What if I get a lot of attention and others praise me for the work I did? I don’t have a plan for that. I guess I thought of it a long time ago, remembering that one moment you spoke to me about the future and purpose. I rejected the thought in part because I didn’t understand how to accept a great gift like that as it really was; a privilege to serve. A big responsibility. An opportunity to bring you glory that not everyone holds. Now, maybe it’s time to take a look.

So what if? What if I become famous? Even in a small way, I have started to receive a lot of attention for my work in Brevity Troupe. I want to know how others are affected and that they’ve enjoyed my work, benefitted from it. Words of affirmation is one of my strongest love languages. I love to hear that. But it’s not about the credit, or glory. I want you to get that; you deserve it God. I don’t want it.

I’m still learning how to accept praise for my work and skill, and I want you to teach me how to give you glory in all that I do-even when others praise me. How does that look? What does it mean when I’m up on a ladder with my talents? Is there a right way to do that? Is it right? What do I believe about that?

You put your people everywhere. Do they just rise like stars when they are running after you? I guess I’ve seen that. Seen your people shine for your glory. I follow some of them.

Am I to be one of those people who stands out for your glory? I’m putting to much emphasis on me now. On them. I glorify other people. Forgive me God, set my eyes on you. You’re right, if I do what I do out of relationship with you I’ll be on the right track. Living to glorify you in all I do. I guess if my heart is right with you then my actions will follow suit? It feels like I might fall, up so high, and that’s fear. But we weren’t made for the ground, we’re made in your image. Made to glorify you. Why don’t we live like glory matters?

Do I even know what glory is?

What is the function of glory? What is the purpose? Where is it’s place in my life and does it even have one?

One, yes; glory has a place in my life because I’m called to bring glory to God in all I do. But also, God talks a lot about glory so it’s not just about me. It’s what He radiates; a natural affect of His very nature. His IS glorious. But then, it must be like His goodness. If He is who he is, and that it’s glorious, he is glory too. So where God is there is glory. Like the sun, we see the effects and touch and feel it sometimes more so than others but it never ceases to stop existing in all functions of its being. Glory.

Okay so what about all this fame stuff? Is there ever a purpose to make someone famous apart from you? No, I don’t think so. Because we were made to be completely satisfied in your love, and we are headed towards unity as your people forever in heaven. Fame doesn’t exist in heaven, it won’t need to.

What do we do when others try to give us glory for what we do? Is it enough to know in my heart that you deserve it? Is it enough to say out loud that it was you who did the work? Is it enough to work and feel and speak as if it’s your glory alone all along? Or am I missing something altogether? Your glory doesn’t depend on others, it exists because you do. My effort doesn’t touch your glory, and we know our end game will be to bow before you. All of us. What is the point of your instruction then? Why do I glorify you apart from that it is just? I am blessed by it, or is the blessing a result of what cause you to be glorified? Loving you and others and humility and all that. The fruits of your spirit literally sooth the bones and feel good inside our hearts. Are we to experience your glory as a gift too? Is it then for our good in it’s existence? Our gift, your glory.

Honestly, wherever you are and are you, that’s the best for us because who you are is the most amazing, good, powerful, perfect, glorious, loving, triumphant, strong, intelligent, creative, everything wonderful and good and true! How can that be any less than the best for all of us? It’s just sad when people don’t know you they have no idea what glory really means, why it matters. I barely do and I’m struggling through it this morning.

Love. I think the answer to, “How do I know if I’m properly glorifying you in the shiny things?” Love is to be the motive and the measure by which I judge my own heart. In all that I do with people, I am called to love them. It’s how I check my heart for misdoing etc. In all that I do independently, I am still called to love and obey you. Obedience is how I show my love for you, says your word. Pretty straightforward, though not as complex as the whole of it were I to put it into words. In conclusion, I rely on you for wisdom and strength and humility and ask for help when I mess up, then I simply love you and others and seek to make your name known.

I feel the primary purpose of fame in a Christian’s life is to make you known. It’s supposed to be in the life of a small servant though too, so that doesn’t line up. One job is not more about your fame than others. That’s it then. If I have a right view of how You are to be glorified, period, then it doesn’t matter if I apply it to fame or loneliness or loving others or any skill I posses.

So maybe I’m going to post this on my blog, because people need to know they’re not alone. People need to be inspired. The way I struggle through analyzing the moral fabric of an entire concept might help others understand their own thoughts, or find their way to the end of their own questions. Or at the very least maybe I thought of something they hadn’t yet.

I want to help people, and I pray that it’s not for my own glory or even my desire to be known that I want to put this up there. Take it and do your work then Lord, and thank you for the privilege of speaking and writing to others. I love you. For your glory, wink*

Your Daughter Leah